I’ll never catch up…

Reading and commenting on blogs. It seems that every time I go for a trip every blog I follow has to post 10 times. There are a few I really want to comment on to. Sethy I’ll get to yours…

So I made it back home in one peace, and that’s something to say after the short adventure I have had.

Tuesday we left somewhat early, around 930 0r 10. It was a long trip. If I was by myself it would have not been so bad, but a 7 hour drive turned into 9 or 10 because we had to stop every 50 miles for one thing or another. It really kind of aggravated me since I was the one driving. I had to work the day before and stayed up late Monday night packing. The driver of the other car had Monday off and didn’t care.
We got to the place and I thought it was ok, but others with me didn’t think it was so nice. (after I got home my mom said “I saw what you lived in for summers when you were at camp and two branches and a tarp would have been better” I didn’t think it was that bad, camp or there. The place had two bedrooms and a pull out in the living room. It had central A/C and was clean. I was ok with it. We had packed all our food for the rest of the week and brought it with us so that we could make our food instead of having to go out all the time. It was easier and cheaper.

Wed I had reserved a pontoon boat for the day and then for half the next day. Wed they were saying that there were going to be big storms rolling in that afternoon and would not be gone until the next afternoon. I told the lady that I was not going to rent the thing if I could not bring it back for a refund if it was storming. She said that they don’t give any refunds. I told her that it was the middle of the week, there not that busy and that I would pay for the time I reserved, but if it was raining we were going to make a deal for other time. She agreed that that was a good then for both of us. We took the boat out around 10am, had to have/make breakfast and get everyone moving and all the crap they wanted to bring with out on the lake to the boat. I asked the rental lady where was a good cove to just go and play. She told me a cove inside the state park of the Ozarks.

We all got on the boat (8 of us) and headed out. The cove was not far, about 15 min boat ride. One we got into the cove it was pretty big. I went way in because there were some water skiers and such in there too. It was a nice cove to just go and play. Once in I had someone throw the anchor and the n tie it off. Well no one else had been on a boat before so I had to go tie it off as it was just slipping on the cleat. We all swam for a bit, the water was perfect. The sun was out and the temp was about 85, not to hot but just right to make it a nice swim. There was a slight breeze as you could tell that the storm was on it way, but the breeze was nice because it kept all the bugs away. We had gotten in and out of the water a few time and even had our ‘boat lunch’ sandwiches and such that we brought.

around 130 we started tubing. The pontoon had a 90 hp outboard on it so it was not the fastest but it moved well enough for a tube. We all took our turn and it was a lot of fun. From having the big searay that my mom and dad I knew how to make just the right circles to get big wakes building then go through the center of them. It made it a lot of fun.

Then around 330 or so we were all tired and wanted some real food. So we headed in. when I docked I told the lady that it looks like it is going to hold off on the rain until later that night and the next morning so most likely we were not going to have the boat in the morning and just take it out in the afternoon. She said that was fine as long as it was raining in the am. Were went up to the cottage and got some food and then some bait to go fishing.

We headed back down to the boat with our poles and loaded back up on the boat. We headed back to that same cove and I had seen a bunch of fish jumping. I’m not sure what the people I was with was thinking. They all wanted to fish, but it seemed like none of them had ever been fishing before. They fished and I set up their pole for them. Some of them even wanted me to put the work on the hook for them too. I was not doing that. If I put bait on the hook, I’m fishing it. One person caught a blue gill. Then handed it to me on the pole and asked what to do with it now. Lol I told him to take it off the hook with pliers and throw it back cus it’s too small. Then someone else caught a few catfish. They were decent size and he kept them to clean.
Just as the sun was going down I said that it was time to head in. (I was not sure the light on the boat worked and the place told me that they didn’t want the boat out at night because they were not going to make the lights work. They did work though, but I had enough). As we were heading in the rain was following us, and over took us a bit. We docked and took most everything off the boat. I called the boat rental place (the lady was not there) and the guy answers. I told him that rain or shine that we didn’t want the boat in the am that we would only take it out in the afternoon. He said that that was fine as it was the middle of the week and no one had it rented.

We went back to the cottage and made dinner and played cards for a bit. The rain turned into a bid down pore. The then the storm got bad. Lighting and tornadoes, you could tell it was a big storm. Not before to long we were all tired and headed off to bed.

When we woke in the morning around 830 or so the storm had passed. I started making breakfast and everyone was just kind of relaxing. We knew we had to move that day into a different cottage as that one was booked for that night (it was that way before I made the reservations). We ate and started packing and moving. The other cottage was not as nice. It seemed to be a lot older and not updated, but it was only one night.

About 1030 the rental lady calls and says that I have to take the boat right away because she wants to rent it out for a bit in the afternoon. I told her that I called and talked to mike and that he said that it was fin. She got all upset and started screaming on the phone about how I now had her boat for the full day at a half day price. Now it was not cheap. I had just payed 400.00 for rental for the boat for a day and a half, not I can kind of see that price on the weekend when there is high demand, but during the week, I don’t think so. I told her that mike said it was ok and that I didn’t just arbitrarily have her boat for the full day and that she was free to rent it out for the morning as I had talk to the other guy. She got all mad and said “well if that’s what he said then well I have to go I have to rent a jet ski out” I told her that I would be right down to discuss it with her and all she said is well right now I busy. I thought you called me lady…..

I talked it over with the rest of our group and said that we would go down and just keep (pay) for the boat for the full day just to be good people about it. So we finished up moving and headed down to the boat. I told her that we would just keep the boat for the whole day and just pay the difference. She added it up and it came out to 65.00. All that bs for 65.00 I was pisses but just let it go. I told here that we would be out late and that I would have the keys to her at 9am the next morning. She was ok with that.

We loaded up the boat and headed out to ‘our’ cove. We swam for a bit then fished for a bit. It was funny. One person could not stop catching fish and no one else could catch one. And the guy that was catching them was had not fished before. He would through the line out there, get a fish on, then call for me to come reel it in. he didn’t thing he could do it. He ended up catching 9 blue catfish each one was 1and a half pounds to 3 pounds. Good size.

We headed in about 5. We were all tired.

I will have to finish the rest of the trip later as it is getting long. Promise I will post the rest soon.

Jay.osa

out and about...

Just a quick post to let you guys know that I am out of town and have been since Tuesday. It’s jut a quick trip to lake of the Ozarks for some fun in the sun. did the boating –tubing –skiing- thing and got a good tan going. No real wi-fi so it has to be short. Then on Friday had to go to western il to drop off friends, then sat back to St Louis for a bday party of a 4 y/o. then Sunday back home to Chicago. Talk about driving for ever…

I know I owe a few emails to people and to follow a new blog (think I did that). Also man I go out of town every blog I read posts 3 times a day… I’ll catch up when I’m back.

Have a good weekend

Traveling the Midwest – jay.osa

The perfect gay life… 5, 10, 15 years…

Moved to the city for a bit, partied and lived the “gay boy” seen. Had lots of hot sex with hot guys while finding myself. Did the “club” seen next and partied with that group till it got old. Realized that people were depending on me and that I needed to stop having random sex and hookup’s. Worked In a gay bar as a bouncer. Met someone nice. Stopped hooking up. Rented an apartment together. Joined bank accounts. Have kid, supporting her, start raising her full time, as mom abandoned her. Have the idea of him being the one. Stay together a few years. Then move to the suburbs together and buy a house. Finally finish school. Have the Mercedes Benz, Tahoe, and an old MG convertible. A rewording job, a caring person at my side, a kid that is now starting sophomore year of college, somewhat active in political ventures and the equality movement. Have dinner parties where we sit and talk about being gay while drinking wine…

The perfect gay life.

But once there it may not be so perfect…

What’s your perfect gay life in 5, 10, 15 years.

Jay.osa

on our way home and a phone call...

Our trip home was uneventful. I was more confused after leaving camp then when I went. All I know was that I was going home and at home I was the srt8 boy. I was going back to my job where I made enough money to have a good time, a house that I was never at, a family that I was close to and didn’t want to be around. Then there was my friends and the swim team. I liked swimming and my friends, but none of them knew me, not the real me. it was so hard to try and tell them. All I could think about is how they would react. I knew I would be any different but how would they feel. They would still have to change with me in the locker room, and I know that some of them would not be happy about that. Heck with my concretive town my couch would find a way to kick me off the team. He already didn’t like me. (I was kind of a smart ass).

My couches idea of fun was seeing how much trouble I could get into so that he could punish me. he had rules some were good, some he made up to get me pissed at him. For example one of his rules was that everyone had to were a hat when outside. He wanted it to be a wool stocking hat. That’s all well and good, but I’m allergic to wool. So I would put on and hat I could find. That was not good enough for him. So on the bus going to or from a meet he would always come over to me pull my hat off and say that I was not following the rules. “That’s 500 more jay” and the bus would start laughing. 500 yards of butterfly before the next meet or you don’t swim. On your own time and on top of regular practice. If he was in a real good mood he would do it on the way there and on the way back.

I had pissed him of by telling him that I was not swimming on the summer team and that I was going to camp, then when I didn’t go to camp I told him that I was working. He did see it, he was the important one (his team, his rep, ect) not the kids that were swimming because they liked it. I held the record for the most butterfly ever given out. The stubborn ass I am I didn’t give up either. Some of it was my fault and I did deserver part of it but not that much. For 3 weeks I stayed after swim practice and swam an extra 2000-3000 yards of butterfly. He let me swim in the meets because I was working it off every day. Now I know he let me swim because if he didn’t the pta would have had a fit when they found out what he was doing. I didn’t tell anyone I just did it.

(that was a tangent)

So once we got home everything started back to “normal” I was working at the pizza place. Avoiding my family by working late and sleeping in. cathy and I were getting closer and closer. Things were good between us and I could tell she was falling in love with me. I think that was part of it. I also think that she saw me as her way out. She was having a very hard time at home. He dad hit her and threatened her life all the time. Her mom was an amputee; she had bad circulation problems and had her one arm and one leg cut off. He beat her too.

I would pull up and hear the screaming coming from the house. Her mom could yell with the best of them. I would just pound on the door till some one answered and then take cathy out of there. She was fine when she was not there or thinking about them. They were all nuts over there. I tried not to let it bother me and Kathy was just as happy to stay out and away from home as I was, so we made a good pear.

About in the middle of the summer I got the notation that I wanted a new car. Well maybe not a new car, but a better one. I had started looking around but hadn’t really saved any money. Bob, who still went on runs with me knew someone that was selling his car. I said I would take a look at it. the guy was on the fire dept where bob was a POC fireman. (paid on call) the car was ok it was a Buick skyhawk. It was older but didn’t have that many miles on it and looked good. it was a 2 door sport model that was red. Overall it was a nice looking car. it would also be good on gas as it was only a 4 cylinder. so I started saving. I was working a lot more too and tried not to spend a lot. I told cathy that I was saving and that we would not be able to go out like we did until after I got the car. I told the “car guy” to give me a month and I would have his money. He said that he would hold it. cathy didn’t like it but she understood.

The month went by fast. cathy and I were still sleeping together (having sex) in the back of my car as neither of us wanted to go to our houses. We always used protection. I was very adamit about it. I was only 17 and did not want a kid. That and knowing that gay and was not going to marry her was just enough to tame my hormones at 17. The slightest breeze and you could post a flag, but it was not going anywhere without protection.

I soon got my car and was very happy with it. School was starting and my time at work had cut down a bit. I seem to just be going through the motions of living. Wondering if that is all there was to life. Having someone but knowing that they don’t know you. Hiding from myself and others, is this what the rest of my life was to be, not letting anyone in, just trying to cope with the day to day of a nothingless life. It was a blur.

Then I got a message. There it was on the refrigerator. A note that read “Mouse had called, call him back at …” it was late, I didn’t care, I picked up the phone can called. I could hear it ring.

"ring...ring... Hello"

jay.osa

well...

sorry for not having a post. i could come up with some things like that i busy with, or work was just nuts this week, or life went to hell this week, or... whatever, and they would be true. but the bottom line is that i was just not in the mood to post. i cleaned up a bit moved the rash of dead/killed/forgotten blogs to the defunk section. made a few comments (not many at that) (like the pants btw tyler, if he even reads this) and managed to keep up with reading every ones blog.

i guess i'm just in an odd mood. i have had a cough now for about a month. it just will not go away. doesn't seem like anything big and it's not like i'm sick, it's just a constant bump in my throat that will make me cough ever so often. just enough to make it uncomfortable.

i have been thinking about going back to school too, and that kind of weighing on my mind too. i would have to go back for my master, but i'm not sure that i want to do it in computers like my BS is in. and i don't want to start all over in college, i spent enough time there already (i just graduated last year). so that means maybe i could go into law, but with my reading and typing skills, i'm not sure i could get into a law school. i do like my 3 day a week gig now tough and it wold give me time to take classes. i have alot of credits for math and physics, but that would still mean finishing up that nad then going on to a master. nad what wold i do with a masters in math, teach? i like teaching, but i'm not looking to start teaching now, it would be a big pay cut. just have to think it out i guess.

wow look at that it turned into a post after all.

jay.osa

emotionally rough week... i'm glad it's over.

Well the last few days has been kind of rough on me emotionally. I’m still unsure of just quite how I feel. I know that that I have moved on from that part of my life, but it is still there.

Just after my last post I got a call from john. He was in town and wanted to come see me. He was coming back from spending a week at camp and then was traveling around the Midwest seeing his friends and I was on his list to see. He wanted to see me the day before he went back home. He was going to spend the night at my house.

in some ways I love john, he was my first, in other ways I hate him, he was my first. I locked up all my feelings for him, good and bad, and berried it awhile ago. This was going to bring some of them out, some that I didn’t want to let out.

I agreed to let he spend the night.

The week passed and I tough more and more about him coming over. A lot has changed in both our lives since we were last together. As the time grew near I became less worried about how things were going to go and just happy to see a friend. In some ways I just wanted the past to be the past and let it go.

He called me when he left a friends of his place (about 2.5 hours from mine) to tell me he was on his way. It was Tuesday and I was off and at home, although I did think about just going out for the day to leave him to his own.

He arrived in the middle of the afternoon. We talked as I made dinner. He had brought back sassafras root beer (the real root beer, like the Indians made) that he had made up at camp. A bit of the root beer syrup, seltzer water (carbonated water), and spiced rum, it was really good, is what we were drinking. It didn’t take to long for both of us to have a good buzz going on. We had dinner and then played cards for a bit.

It was a very enjoyable evening on the surface. I had to work today so I showed him to his room and then went to bed. He was tired from driving, so it was ok with me. I think it was the earliest I have been to bed months. (in my own room, in my own bed).

He asked that I wake him up when I leave for work but I let him sleep. I was running late (as usurel) and didn’t have the time to spend saying good by and such. At least that’s what I’m telling myself at the moment.

Seeing him had feeling that I did not want to bring up. We both kept it light in our conversations as to not hit on any touchy subjects, though I did find out a few more things that went on at camp that I didn’t know about. I’ll put them in the story where they fit as I am just getting to that part.

He invited me out to CO, where he is, and to the Bahamas where his family has a summer home. I just said we will have to see.

it was strange seeing him. I’m not sure how I feel about it/him anymore.

Jay.osa

A post for friday

I’m At work. I’m going to leave at 3. That’s early. Lol, going to go to the bar and see how much trouble I can get into two before I need to go home. It’s Friday right… I stop at the bar once in awhile on Fridays when I can cut out of work early and still be home by dinner time. Just kind of a break from home and work at the same time.

So most of today has been fixing a few computer (Microsoft sync offline files database cache sucks), got caught up on blogs (added a bunch more – like I needed more of them to read), and chatted online for at bit. What a work day. I added some really good blogs so check them out. Most likely though, you have already seen/read/added them. I’m not sure all of them are going to make it, we will just have to see.

I also don’t know how it was removed or how I ended up not following Mr. HCl blogs (castoffs) I was sure I was reading it on rss and had him in my list, but… well anyway he is there now and I fixed all that.

I had said that I had started going to the gym again. I have and have been fairly constant, Not that you could tell, but whatever I have been going. Well wed night when I was there, there was this other guy there. (That’s an odd sentence). He is this big jock type, very str8 and the whole bit. I had seen him quite a few times before and every time I do I get this vibe off him. A few weeks ago when we were both there he started a conversation with me. When I go to the gym I normally shave when I’m there just after I get out of the pool. That way the mess is there and not at home (where I would get yelled at for leaving hair in the sink). After I shave I like to go into the steam room. so when I was done shaving I put my suit my bag and wrapped a towel around me and headed of to the steam room. On a side note on my way to the steam room I noticed him changing and, umm, WOW is all I can say.

I’m in the steam room relaxing and in come this guy. He also has a towel loosely wrapped around him. He starts a conversation with me about how good it is to have a shave and then come into the steam room. we talk for quite a bit about nothing and soon it was to hot to stay in there any longer so we headed out to the showers.

We took our showers and then went back to our lockers, his was on the other side from mine and we didn’t say anything to each other. As he was leaving (he took a shorter shower them me ;) ) he walked the opposite way of the door to just say “talk to you later.”

At the time I blew it off and just though that my “gaydar” was just going nuts. I have never been that good at “gaydar” anyway.

But then on wed he did it again. I was there changing to get ready for a shave and a steam and he starts talking to me. He goes 130am not the earliest but not the latest I have been here either. Then he went on to say that he should not be there that late because he has a test the next day. He went on to say that he goes to UIC and is an account major. He has one more semester then he is done, but is planning on going to law school.

All of this conversation while I’m standing there naked/changing/getting ready for a shave, steam, and shower. I tell him good luck on his test and what that he says he has to go, like I was keeping him.

The whole time I’m just getting the vibe off him. I don’t know why. The bells were going off in my head the whole time I was around him.

He is hot (really hot) and all, but this could only get me into trouble, but I want to know how this is going to play out. It can’t be good for me though.

I seem to be doing things to get myself in trouble. I might have to evaluate that.

Jay.osa